


i should have tried harder–

by neamekke



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Cousin Incest, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dependent, F/M, Hormones, Kissing your very pretty cousin while she's asleep, Len has an onee-chan kink, Living Together, Maybe some sexy time, Over the timespan of eleven years, Sickness, Underage Drinking, What the hell Len, older Rin, running out of time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9479780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neamekke/pseuds/neamekke
Summary: "Have you ever hated someone, so much... that you wished they would die? I have.. but... my wish had been misheard." Smack. It's difficult to raise a troublesome, annoying little 'brother' - Especially when you're running out of time. Happy Valentines Day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (REPOST FROM 2/15/16)  
> Original version on FFnet (soon to be deleted), this has been edited to fix the spelling and grammar errors I've come across.

_**Have you ever.. really hated someone?** _

_(5-7)_  
*

_WHACK._

" _HWAAAAA- RIN-NEEE!_ "

The sound of her younger cousin's crying echoed loudly throughout the entirety of the small neighbourhood. Although at the back of her mind, she wished desperately for nothing more than the boy to silence himself, agonising screeches resounding within her ears.

Rin responded by hitting his bottom again, harder, as he looked at her with tearful eyes. It didn't take too long for the boy with his bottom lip trembling before he let out another mind-numbing wail.

"Why do you never take care of your things, _huh?!_ " _WHACK._

She side-glanced at the forgotten doll, flaxen hair strewn and tugged off, scattered across the ground in various places. Red paint and thinner had been spilled over it, spoiling the pretty and delicate white sundress it was clothed in.

The sight of it made her furious as she whacked him again near his thigh.

"HWAA _AAAAA-_ -"

"ANSWER ME, _LEN_!"

Warm tears flowed down his cheeks, the younger blond rubbing his legs together in attempt to relief him of the pain. " _LEN_." She repeated his name harshly, raising her hand to hit against his back.

_WHACK._

.

.

.

_WHIP._

She raised her dress up higher, biting her lip as she felt her fair skin again, be tainted, marked -- stained with the bright red blemishes that mars over her otherwise smooth, porcelain skin.

"Foolish - child!"

Their grandmother scolded, the woman angrily raising her whip, hitting it against the child's legs.

"Who," _whip,_ "told you that you could-" _whip_ , "-punish him?!" _whip_.

Rin only kept her head held down in shame, her knuckles were already turning a deathly white from gripping too harshly on the thin material of her clothes. She couldn't help but wince every time the leather crop came back down to make contact against her skin. It was painful. It was excruciatingly painful. All she wanted was for it to stop. Just _stop._

_stop, stop, stop, stop._

It took everything she had not to slump to the ground and collapse right then and there.

The old woman tugged harshly on her shoulder, "Are you listening?! You- _you-_ " She forcefully turned the girl around and pointed a finger at Len, who had remained frozen, watching silently as he stood at the same place he had been since the beginning. "Look at him! _He is only a small child!_ "

After another whipping, she let out a quiet, choked sob; had he not been paying close attention to her, he wouldn't have noticed it. She cast the boy a long teary look, revealing eyes whom are red and sore, tears welling up as she refused to let go. Her eyes softened at him, before she slowly blinked, taking the second whip with her eyes shut closed.

The action made his heart clench. He shakily took a step back, then another  _-_ _-_ before running back into the house, not wanting to risk another look back.

.

* * *

_**So much, so VERY much..** _

_(11-13)_  
_*_

Rin shakily bent down, settling a flower next to the framed portrait before lighting up a candle.

She glanced at him, the boy looking rather anxious to leave and completely uninterested of the event. Rin slowly tugged onto the hem of his cardigan, mouthing her lips into the form of words: _"Pay your respects,"_

He was unaffected with the death, instead going through a 'phase' of deeming that there was no time to dwell into the more simpler, traditional ways of life. Although he knew better than to disrespect his late grandmother right in front of the company of more foreign relatives.

With much inner hesitation, he relented and sat down next to her, mimicking the girl's actions.

.

.

.

"I still don't see why I had to attend the funeral," He scoffed, "I'm _tired_. It's a school day. You _know_ that I've already had plans to go out with my friends at three, and now I've missed it!"

Her eyes wavered at him, hesitating on opening her mouth for a moment as she took a seat at the dining table, her elbow propped up on it, supporting her entire small frame. His cousin pinched at the space in-between her eyebrows, and he supposes that it's just because she's contemplating, working on the best way to portray her feelings towards him, scold him for not appreciating what he'd been given.

Len rose his own chin, sitting in the chair across from her as he awaited 'the talk'.

_'Len.. she raised us. We had nowhere else to go - neither of us. It was the least you could do.'_

That's what he thought she would say..

But she _didn't._

Instead, the girl stood up, not sparing him more than a single glance before strolling straight pass him into her room. While that was claimed inside his mind as oddly suspicious, the blond ignored it. Or at least he did for a good two hours. After a while longer his curiosity had gotten to the best of him and he went forwards to investigate her bedroom.

_He heard her crying that night._

* * *

**_..that you wished..._ **

_(12-14)_  
*

After a long session within the room, she finally left the principal's office only to meet the face of her younger cousin with a cold, hard, stare. After closing the door shut behind her, the girl released a heavy sigh and gestured over her shoulder for him to follow her home.

"It wasn't my fault," He insisted, slinging his school bag over his shoulder.

It's never his fault, is it?

Never, ever, _ever._ "Mayu was being a-"

And that thought is all it took for her to snap, after so many years holding her feelings back. She turned to seethe at him, "It _is_ your fault, Len. _It is_. You know what? Because of you, I'm forced to finish school just to go and work nonstop for _nine_ hours, and all you do in return is getting _yoursel_ \- _no_... getting _ME_ in trouble." She regained part of her composure, before jabbing him harshly on the chest, " _Because_.. of... _you_."

He paled, recoiling away from her, his eyes slowly navigating down in embarrassment. He knew what she said was true. _It was his fault,_

_It was, it was, it was.. but...  
_

Len opened his mouth as if to speak - but bit down on his tongue just before any words could escape.

And then they allowed the silence to reign, the boy gulping and remaining to stay quiet as he followed her the rest of the way home.

.

.

.

She came home later than usual that night.

Almost twelve in the morning. While her upper top donned her school uniform, with the light cardigan and her buttoned blouse, her bottom was clad in a mid-length blue dress from work that she wore as a skirt. The female made a bee-line towards the table, setting down her schoolbag beside her and arranging the books and assignments on the table across from her.

"Bills," She commanded, watching as the boy woke up grouchily from the couch, getting on his feet and grabbing a stack of envelopes he'd gotten from the mail, and then settling infront of her. She unwrapped the first parcel only to let out an immediate grunt at the sight of it.

Len wanted to speak, question her on what was wrong..

But the air was far too thick, almost making him choke. _He couldn't_. _Couldn't._

"Go to bed. I've got school early tomorrow and I'm definitely not in the mood to make double trips just to get you to _yours_ in time." She stated plainly, dipping the tip of her pen inside an inkwell before beginning to write down for her Calligraphy homework.

He stood in silence, watching her stress her brows at the paper.

Noticing that he was still there, she slammed a hand on the table, making him jump, "NOW, Len!"

But he didn't falter. "I don't see why _I_ always have to do whatever you want me to. You're not my _mum!_ You're not anyone, just get lost and leave me alone!" He yelled back thoughtlessly, before clasping a hand against his mouth in shock. She was struggling, trying to support them yet he.. "Rin, _I'm.. i_ -"

"That's right, _I'm not."_ She stood up, towering over him. He retreated away from her, "I'm not your mother. Too bad. Too bad you don't have one, right? Life for you is so miserable. Guess what? So is _mine_ ; you're not the only one with dead parents, you're not the only one alone without an actual _family._ But that's just life, _isn't it?_ " She commented dryly.

Len shivered, looking away from her to avoid her glare and obeying the girl's previous order, hurriedly heading into his room.

.

* * *

_**That they would just die?** _

_(13-15)_  
*

Len was on the phone, agreeing to whatever had been suggested to him. "Mmhmm, yesss.."

At the ripe age of his youth, he's at his prime, either able to be led into doing great things or turning things out for the worse and ruining his potential future - in this case, it's the latter. Bad company causes bad influences, and he's only another one of them who's caught in the social ladder, flowed in the crowd to do worser things.

".. obviously!" He laughed, watching as the front door unlocked to reveal his older cousin and a male student from her school. "Oy, I'll catch you later, 'aight? It'll be on me, this time." He mumbled and slammed the receiver down to glance over to her.

She blinked at him, just a second.

One split second.

It caused his heart to jump, cheeks flaring in excitement because she's finally looking at him, after so long, she's placed her gaze onto him once again. The time is ruined, gone just as quickly as it came as she looked away to invite the student into her bedroom. He frowned at her lack of reaction towards him, almost chasing after her retreating figure, "Rin-nee.."

She hadn't heard him, closing the door behind her without even the smidge of minor hesitation.

.

.

.

The blond came home late that night, staggering blindly with a minor headache and a whimsy smile over his lips. His left hand was held painfully over his stomach to lessen the feeling of nausea he kept inside, praying it wasn't time for him to let out a stream of vomit anytime soon, especially with the fear of waking up in the morning with a sore throat.

.. atleast not until he's gotten into the safety of a bathroom.

Hopefully while Rin's already asleep, that way he won't be heard..

Yet he had already expected it when he opened the door to see her standing directly infront of the frame, having waited infront of it for hours, eyes tinted with worry and her anxiousness evident.

"Oh, were you waiting up for me?" He rose a brow, lips coiling into a teasing smirk. She stepped closer to him, eyes narrowing as she dangled a thin bag in front of him, her lips pursed into a thick frown. "You shouldn't ha _veee..!_ It's alright, I'm home now, _home.._ " He almost collapsed on his feet, grabbing onto the drawer for support.

The girl didn't move a single inch.

Instead she held her body firmer, a finger pressed gainst his chest. "Did you take my money? _God,_ you smell.. hold on a minute, did you _drink?_ "

"No." He lied, faking a yawn, "I'm tired, so I'll go to bed." -

He's _tired?_

Tired, through all of it, although he hasn't even done a single thing? She's worked everyday off to contribute to whatever she had left of their family, and he's wasting it all away like life was a gamble and there shouldn't be any regrets in wasting away their time, her earnings, _their entire life savings._ The only thing they have left to survive.

 _"Don't shit me!_ " She screeched. The blonde didn't waste any time in grabbing his arm to keep her cousin from leaving.

Len widened his eyes, " _I'm not!_ Why do you always have to be such an annoyin _g little b-_ "

_SMACK. "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A USELESS WASTE OF SPACE, AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR GRANDMOTHER, I WOULD'VE GOTTEN RID OF YOU A LONG TIME AGO!"_

Even the hit delivered across his cheek didn't pain him as much as seeing the tears bead in her eyes as she stormed away with her disappointment in him evident. A disgust.

Her words were piercing and he found that the stab he felt in his chest was enough to represent a needle - a blade, slicing through his heart and reopening major wounds that he'd thought had either never existed or closed long before. Tearing it all up from the inside and leaving close to no room for either of them to ever recover.

.

* * *

_**I did. But my wish had been misheard.** _

_(14-16)_  
*

Ever since the spat a year ago, they'd became more distanced.

Even m _ore distanced than they had ever been before_. Both would start avoiding each other more often, with him rarely being home and making excuses about staying over at a friends' house although he spends his days loitering the streets at night, and her waking up earlier than she usually would to go to school and taking longer shifts at work.

Not that they were missing out on anything.

Whenever they were both home together, they would just enter their own rooms and lock the door behind them, refusing any form of communication with the other.

He didn't think she would be home early on a friday night when he saw a familiar petite form enter the house through the front door, kicking off her shoes. He was watching her from the stairs, and alhough not wanting to start up a conversation, he decided to speak: "Lily came  to check up on things today.." He paused, seeing her tilt her head to look up at him _(effectively gaining sparks to rise up in his chest),_ "She said it was inconvenient for us to live out this far and that it would be difficult for her to keep on coming."

Their legal guardian, _ofcourse_.

The woman had never been fond of them, and they felt the same way. They didn't try to debate on the choice, accepting her willingly considering how they didn't have much of a choice and otherwise they'd be put in a foster home, and it had been stated in her grandmother's will that she wished for nothing more than her grandchildren not to be separated and grow up together to their peaks.

While Len merely scoffed at that, Rin proved to take the wish to heart.

Still, for them to be able to live in the house, she would have to keep visiting frequently and 'check up' on them - much to their disliking.

"I see." The blonde mumbled, sitting on the wooden stilts to take off her stockings. "I'll be turning eighteen soon, so she needn't trouble herself over this any longer." - The girl covered her nose and mouth, trying to warm herself up. ".. In four years, we'll be going our separate paths."

It's cold outside, and her words help with nothing, only freezing him to the very core.

_"What?"_

He frowned in confusion, his heart thumping. Rin shot him an indignant glare before carrying on: "You'll be turning eighteen, so I don't have to take care of you anymore. - _hk-h_.." She coughed gently, before continuing, ".. _we won't be seeing much of each other anymore_.  I'm leaving the house, Len. Then you'll be free to do whatever you want."

The thought of should've made him happy.

It should've.

Like he'd always hoped it would be.

But instead, it just left a sickening pool of heat right in the center of his stomach as said blond tried to keep his calm.

 _No, you can't. You can't._ "Oh, _yeah._ Okay."

Furious. He was _furious_ \- at himself, rather.. He made her dislike him, he made her want to leave. He can't live without her, not after all this while.. No. He shouldn't feel anything, he hates him, remember? She absolutely despises him, and so..

_He should feel the same._

Len restrained himself from saying anything bitter, _anything not worth mentioning,_ and instead turned heel to head up into his old room.

.

* * *

_**Instead, it is me who will die.** _

_(15-17)_  
*

_BANG. BANG._

_BANG._

The repetitive knocks she'd made across the wooden surface of the door made a vein pop on his forehead, spitting out his daily rinse of mouthwash into the sink before cleaning up his mouth with another gurgle of tap water. It's an early six in the morning and all he wanted was to quickly fix himself up before heading to his classes, yet she's being a major distraction in his new routine.

In the back of his mind, he screams at himself to take it slow, let her stay outside or just run to use the upstairs bathroom. It's only going to be a little while until she gives up the fight.

But she doesn't back down, instead increasing the rhythm of her drumming.

Len growled, unlocking the door to question her on her persistence, only to gasp in surprise when she pushed past him and locked the door behind her.

.

.

.

_BANG. BANG._

He had been spending his time at their home more often lately, deciding that studying was more important than partying outside, wasting his life away on something that won't benefit his future - seeing that Kagamine Rin wouldn't be with him forever, especially considering how she's proven the factherself by saying it so openly.

It's as if she's proud of being able to move away, _wanting to leave him for good._

Unfortunately for the blonde, her dear cousin's presence within the house only meant more limitations and difficulties for her to maneuver around. Especially in the times when she seeks the opportunity to occupy the downstairs bathroom, which he often uses as an refuge from his studies by dowsing himself in a warm bath.

 _BANG_. He was being agonisingly slow, even when all he's doing is applying moisture to his cheeks.

She hurried past him when he finally left the toilet, kicking the door behind her, cutting off his sight.

.

.

.

Getting fed up of the secrecy that she's been holing up beyond him in the bathroom for the past seven months, the boy finally decided to take the lead and stay inside the bathroom, waiting for the time where she would begin her tradition of knocking on the door like a madman. He's only been in for five minutes until she started up the routine.

Instead of opening the door with irritation like he usually would, Len sat behind the other side of the door, curiously listening in and watching the door from the inside as the board shook and vibrated.

She's been drumming atop the wood for the past twenty minutes and the soft sounds of her coughing on the other side of the door were only increasing it's volume and harshness by time. It took a while before she finally said something:

"L- _LEN_ ! PLEASE!"

Her throat sounded incredibly dry, and that was when he decided to open the door. She carried out on a frantic attempt to push him out of the bathroom, but he remained inside the place, watching as she bent over the toilet bowl to cough wildly, choking on her saliva and making him cross his arms until he saw pure crimson pouring through her lips.

Len paled, stepping back in panic.

Rin reached out for the flush and stood up, heading to the door as if nothing had happened -until he had grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing the girl to turn around and look at him straight in the face, ".. What-" He stares at her, and it's proven that he's rendered entirely speechless. "What.. _what the hell was that?_ What's the matter...?"

She only rose her brows, looking at him obliviously.

_As if that hadn't just happened._

" _R-rin._.? What's the matter- what... _what's wrong?_ "

"Use your formalities when addressing an elder, Len.." She whispered with that _hoarse voice,_ shamefully looking away when she broke the facade. He tightened his grip on the girl, shaking, desperate, "Rin _-nee_!"

Said female only formed a painful smile in return before heaving into another coughing fit, this time being even more unbearably painful than the ones she had ever encountered before. Unable to hold it in, she covered her hand over her mouth -thick blood filling onto it, spilling through the gaps of her fingers to drip and stain the pure white sundress pooled along her body.

Rin softly wheezed, gasping for air.

And then pushed back a misplaced strand of hair behind her ear, flaxen hair getting marred with disgusting crimson, a colour he'd never adored.

He stepped back to take in her petite, doll-like features and the red-stained dress, and painful nostalgia came in place as the loud resounding sound of a _smack_ echoed in his mind.

_-"Why do you never take care of your things.."'  
_

Len held a hand over his mouth, tears forming, the beads along his eyes threatening to seep out. He slowly loosened his hold on her, only to replace his hands with his arms, holding her, embracing, burying himself in the crook of her neck to take in her scent. Her gentle, soft scent.

The only thing that kept him comfort throughout the years.

Rin breathed a sigh, combing her fingers through his hair as she kept on a weak smile.

_"I'm sorry.."_

**Author's Note:**

> it's 3:13am let me die


End file.
